Moments of authenticity are brilliant gems from which all great things emerge.
Driving around the Target parking lot, I’m on the prowl for a spot large enough to fit the entire span of my minivan. In this scenario you may assume that my minivan is the embarrassing burden. Despite popular opinion and urban myth, the minivan has its perks. If you buy a loaded minivan, it is not unlike driving a semi luxury car with a really huge ass. Surprising to some, it is the beloved Target that I despise.
Caring for my children in the face of the absurdity of modern life in suburbia, I attempt to fit in to a place where I do not. I am hiding out as a housewife. An alternative is not yet clear, so I try every day to be as authentic as possible within my current circumstances. But you don’t have to be a housewife to be in hiding. What you choose to hide behind is irrelevant. A lawyer? A doctor? Doesn’t matter. Do you know who you are? Are you making choices from a real place, or are you unconsciously following your neighbor, your friends, your mother, a lover? True authenticity is a great challenge, and every day presents new opportunities to learn more about who you were born to be. Are you paying attention?
I believe that every individual is born into this world whole. Everything we are meant to be is already within us, ready and waiting to be expressed. I realized that I had become lost along the way. Throughout my life, I was influenced by the expectations of my parents, teachers, and society at large. As I neared the milestone of forty, I wondered who I truly was without the external influence. It was time to find out.
A wife and mother of two children and a stepchild, I have struggled to reconcile the woman I feel pressure to become with whom I was actually destined to be. I believe our authenticity is revealed by our circumstances, both past and present. Each experience I have had, whether ludicrous or traumatic, has presented an opportunity for me to learn more about who I am. Everyday the emotions and reactions that I have in response to what happens both to me and around me are breadcrumbs of vital information leading me down the path to authenticity. I strive to consciously acknowledge the breadcrumbs and in doing so allow my authentic self to continuously emerge. As a result, I am able to better care for my family and myself because ultimately I am happier. I creep closer and closer with each new day.
Moments of authenticity are brilliant gems from which all great things emerge. It is an ongoing process, which I have grown to embrace and enjoy. Eventually, I too will find a place where I feel completely authentic. I’m willing to do the work.
I am not a doctor, therapist or guru. I am, as I have stated, a housewife and a stay at home mom. While I have no advanced degree, I do seem to have a talent for folding laundry with extraordinary speed. I also harbor a secret desire to someday perform as a belly dancer. Forge on accordingly.
As a side note, I have changed the names of my children to protect their identity. I will refer to them often as they are my primary occupation, with alternative, loftier, more beautiful names that I might have actually chosen had I not been lacking lucidity, vomiting into a variety of toilet bowls for the larger part of my pregnancies.
That was a joke. Not the lacking lucidity due to excessive vomiting part. That was completely true, albeit slightly exaggerated for effect. But I did manage to choose names that I like and wouldn’t change them but for literary purposes. If you didn’t find it funny, that’s okay. It’s my fault, not yours. I wasn’t smart enough to pull it off. I did, however, enjoy myself. Definitely don’t laugh if you don’t find something amusing just because I do. That would be completely inauthentic and defeat the purpose entirely.
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